C.I.A. Agent Stan Smith is constantly fighting off terrorists who threaten the safety of the USA (sometimes causing more harm than good). His wife Francine is an average house wife with two kids, Hayley, Stan's only daughter, an average rebellious teenager and Steve, Stan's only son, a geek who enjoys Dungeons and Dragons, gaming and comic book conventions. Then there's Roger, the home's illegal (space) alien who the Smith's are keeping protected. Last but not least, there's Klaus, the Smith's wisecracking talking fish (swapped from his human body years ago by the CIA).
When Stan tries to trick Steve into attending summer camp, things go horribly wrong and Steve ends up in a refugee camp. However, Stan, being the eternal optimist, joins Steve and manages to stage a camp Olympics between the refugees and the rebel faction living across the river.
Stan realizes his own weight problem after he criticizes Steve about his new, overweight girlfriend, so he goes overboard with exercising, and develops anorexia. Steve realizes that his overweight girlfriend is the root of his father's problems, and he has to make a hard choice in an effort to save his father's life.
Stan loses his confidence, and his job, when a car salesman gets the best of him in a negotiation. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve set up a makeshift drive-in to try to get to first base with popular schoolgirls.
Stan has his heart set on speaking at the Republican National Convention on behalf of the Langley chapter, but when they pass him up for another candidate, he accepts the only endorsement he gets from the local chapter of Gay Republicans. While the people around him disapprove of his new lifestyle choice, Stan decides to follow his heart to speak on their behalf.
After Francine tells Stan she's looking for excitement in their marriage, Stan gets in the driver's seat and becomes involved in drag racing to spice things up. Meanwhile, Hayley breaks up with her boyfriend, Jeff, who is emotionally crushed until he joins Steve's world of online gaming. When Hayley finds out, she tries to sabotage their fun.
When Steve's new relationship with his girlfriend gives Francine empty nest syndrome, she tries to convince Stan to have another baby. Meanwhile, Roger tries to enroll in college with Haley in order to experience college life, but while Roger ends up teaching the class, Haley finds a new crush in her classmate Ethan (Elijah Woods), who turns out to be far from normal.
When Francine discovers Stan's secret, decades-old passion for competitive figure skating, she decides to be supportive and becomes his pairs partner until Stan's competitive nature gets the best of him and he ditches her for a new partner. Meanwhile, Steve's classmate Snot finds new respect among his peers when he parades his mail-order bride around the playground.
When Roger helps Steve see that his father isn't as smart as he always believed, the power-hungry pair set their sights on fame and fortune in New York City. It doesn't take long for Roger to lose everything on Wall Street, and Steve contemplates prostitution after Jon Stewart shoots down his comedy routine. Meanwhile, the rest of the family is certain that the two have just run away to the tree house, so when it explodes in a lightning storm, they are devastated, but console themselves with Steve's college fund.
When an injunction prevents Langley Falls from lighting their annual Christmas tree, Stan blames secular non-believers for ruining his favorite holiday. With Stan's holiday spirit at an all-time low, the Ghost of Christmas Past visits him and tries to show him the true meaning of Christmas. However, Stan is convinced that Christmas can be saved by changing the outcome of Vietnam, but finds that changing the past only dramatically changes the future.
When Stan enters an essay contest to have his personal hero, President Bush, come over for dinner, he is overcome with joy when the President arrives at his doorstep. However, not everyone in the Smith family shares Stan's excitement. Hayley tries to drill President Bush on the Iraq war, and Steve and Roger attempt to convince him that they've found Osama Bin Laden, but instead get him drunk. Stan tries to save the President from public humiliation, while Hayley revels in his fall from glory.
When Stan feels like he's not climbing the ladder fast enough at work, he turns to his lifelong ambition of making festive teddy bears. However, when he realizes that making a quick profit takes a lot of work, he resorts to using illegal aliens as cheap labor. Meanwhile, Hayley sees her father's new business model as an atrocity and takes matters into her own hands by calling Uncle Sam.
When Roger is rejected by Steve, who seems to be over him, Roger heads out in search of a new human companion. But when this new friend starts to abuse Roger and the relationship turns into a lot of excuses and sorry's, Steve and Hayley scheme to get Roger out of the bad relationship and back home where he belongs. Meanwhile, Stan tours the Mr. Pibb factory and meets the man himself.
While researching a paper about George Washington Carver in celebration of Black History Month, Steve uncovers a conspiracy that's been going on since the Civil War. When the curator of the Smithsonian Peanut Museum reaches out to tell Steve the truth, he's mysteriously murdered, and Steve and Stan are tracked by a secret society that will stop at nothing to keep this scandalous secret of American history.
Stan arrives late to a CIA nuclear drill and thinks it's real. He decides to move the family into the mountains to survive the apocalypse. Even though he realizes his error, he begins to enjoy the attention that he gets from the family so much that he doesn't tell them the truth. However, when the family meets a mountain man and learns the truth, Stan has some explaining to do.
Stan sets Bullock up on a date with one of Francine's friends. Fearing that Francine will be right about the outcome of the date, Stan goes to great lengths to make sure it goes well by getting everyone drunk. Unfortunately, Bullock accidentally kills the woman, to which Stan frames Francine for the murder in order to keep her from asking so many questions.
After Stan discovers that Francine has a secret sex garden, he feels like their marriage may be crumbling. Looking to rekindle their romance, Francine asks for a divorce so that Stan can experience life as a bachelor again, and both learn a valuable lesson in love. Meanwhile, addicted to an energy drink, Steve finds himself panhandling in the streets to support his new habit.
When Stan brings home CIA equipment designed to eavesdrop on conversations, he finds out that his neighbors don't think too highly of him. In retaliation, Stan has the entire neighborhood evicted so that he can live free of any criticism. However, when an unexpected friend comes to his rescue, he realizes that gossip is a two-way street.
After Stan is prosecuted for sending contaminated cattle to a slaughterhouse, he says that it began as a quest to make a man out of Steve. Meanwhile, Roger sparks a cat fight between Francine and Hayley, for reasons of his own.
Roger becomes a bounty hunter, and he and Stan race cross-country to turn in Jeff, who is wanted for smuggling pot into Florida.
When Francine discovers that all of their family vacations have been artificially created memories, she gets very angry and demands a real vacation. However, when the vacation seems too good to be true, Francine is convinced it's the work of the CIA and causes the family to suffer the consequences. Meanwhile, Roger attempts to become the greatest actor who ever lived.
In order to be taken more seriously and to be a somebody, Stan becomes a meter maid who seems to have all of the power. Now he's getting the best tables at restaurants, pocketing quarters from meters and impressing Francine with his prowess. But, when Turlington from Parking Internal Affairs pays him a visit, Stan realizes crime and this lifestyle don't pay. Meanwhile, Hayley poses nude for a college art class and is surprised to see Roger there.
Stan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but he turns out to be an atheist. Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard until his plan backfires. Meanwhile, Roger convinces Steve that he has been accepted to Hogwarts.
When Francine's adopted parents stop by for an unannounced stay, Stan is furious that they refuse to assimilate to his "man of the house" ways. After he unsuccessfully tries to give them the boot, he is convinced that finding Francine's birth parents will change things. Meanwhile, Steve tries to live to the extreme in order to get to second base with the class hottie.
When Hayley decides to move to France because of imperialistic oppression, Stan will do anything to stop her including revealing the fact that she was brainwashed as a child by the CIA. Feeling desperate, Stan activates her trigger word and gains control over Hayley against the advice of his boss, Bullock. Everything is going fine until Stan remembers that if he doesn’t change Hayley back to normal, there will be deadly consequences for him. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger become private Dick Tracys.
While playing poker with the guys, Stan is found to be a virgin. Not in the traditional way, but in that he's never killed anyone. Roger and the guys help Stan bust his killing cherry.
When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan's Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska boarder, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
After Stan comes home from another dangerous mission, he finds that his family has decked the halls with boughs of holly and donned themselves with gay apparel, but just not to his satisfaction. He demands a grander Christmas starting with the search of a bigger and better tree in the forest. When his family has had enough, Stan powers on by himself, finds the perfect tree and meets an untimely end. While in Limbo, he has to fight for a second chance at life and battle the forces of good and evil to save his family.
After a big fight between Stan and Roger, Francine comes up with a plan to try and reunite the pair. Hoping to show Roger that Stan still cares about him, Francine fakes Roger's kidnapping, but when Stan never shows up to pay the ransom, it forces Roger to rethink the way he treats people.
Stan and the family are characters in a James Bond style spoof. Stan must stop Tearjerker, played by Roger, a diabolical film producer who makes movies that can kill. Tearjerker's fiendish plot involves abducting celebrities from his spa and replacing them with celebrity robots that make horrible movies, all in an effort to make his masterpiece "Oscar's Gold" the best and saddest movie ever, causing millions of moviegoers to cry themselves to death.
When Stan’s mom gets dumped for the umpteenth time by a boyfriend, she comes running to Stan for support. Feeling threatened by her always-visiting mother-in-law, Francine is determined to cut Stan’s umbilical cord and figure out what keeps going wrong with the men in her life. Like a regular Cagney & Lacey, Francine and Roger go undercover to solve the case. Meanwhile, Klaus gives Steve the ick.
Francine pushes Stan to open up to her emotionally, but she gets more than she bargained for when he tells her that he killed her best friend Julie's husband. Meanwhile, Roger plays psychiatrist to help them work through their issues.
Stan goes in search of a former KGB agent, Sergei, and is shocked to find that the man is his new next-door neighbor and that Sergei has already turned Steve into a communist. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head to France for a little R&R but their trip takes a turn for the worse when Klaus gets busted for drug smuggling.
Roger begins to release photos of himself to the local media for extra cash, prompting the CIA to initiate an Alien Task Force. Through a twist of fate, Roger ends up in charge of the task force in disguise, creating tension at home as he is now Stan's boss. Meanwhile, Francine comes to grips with being left-handed and Roger frames Stan as an alien in attempt to keep his identity a secret.
Officially declared dead after an accident with a pudding truck, Stan comes back to life to realize his dream of leaving a legacy on the world and begins to excavate his home in search of Ollie North's "Contra"-band buried treasure. As the search for gold goes "North," life at home heads south as Hayley turns to body-piercing, Steve creates a robotic girlfriend and Roger files for sexual harassment.
Stan has a Spring Break-induced mid-life crisis. With Francine away visiting her parents, Roger invites Spring Breakers to party at the Smith household. But Stan nearly has a Spring Breakdown when he falls prey to booze-cruising Jessica and Steve tries to lose his virginity to the luscious Carmen Selectra.
Stan sets out to stop a tree that he considers his father from being cut down. Steve realizes he's stopped growing and considers surgery.
Steve joins the high school water polo team to get girls. Meanwhile, Roger and Stan get a boat.
Hayley mentally regresses to a 6-year-old. Steve and his pals get a slow cooker.
Steve goes to work with Stan and discovers the N.S.A.. Hayley decides to let go of being a vegetarian and eat meat for one day.
Stan goes undercover as a surfer a la Point Break. Steve befriends a drifter, Hayley might be pregnant, and Roger wants the World Cup to be held in the backyard.
Stan gets Francine baseball tickets for her birthday but is upset when they have a horrible kiss on the kiss cam. Steve and Roger head to Nevada to help clean polluted water.
When Stan is given the task of putting together the CIA calendar, Hayley attempts to destroy it. Meanwhile, Roger gets a Discover card and fakes his death to get out of paying the enormous balance.
Roger becomes a teacher at Steve's school and gets involved with a class of underprivileged kids. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine visit a retirement home and Stan decides to stay.
Francine sets out to help news anchor Greg when he and Terry split up. Roger becomes obsessed with a fictional boy from an old game called Dream Phone.
A haunted Stan traverses a barren Langley Falls alone because a mysterious element has reigned terror and separated him from the family.
Steve and Snot alter their futures when they throw a party for the uncool kids. Meanwhile, Roger is disgruntled when a waitress doesn't compliment his order.
Roger loses his identity after becoming fascinated by a local dentist's wife. Meanwhile, Klaus throws a party when Stan and the kids are unable to move from being sore after working out.
When Stan is on a mission, Francine pretends she's a widow. Steve and his friends play wrestling and get beat up by Principal Lewis.
Francine joins Steve and his pals for a live-action role-playing game; Stan opens a Seaworld knock-off in the house.
Stan loses his faith after Steve questions everything in the Bible, so Stan takes the family to Korea to investigate the rumors of a reinvented Noah's Ark.
Stan and Francine lose their memories and resort to primitive living on an island; Jeff enlists in the Navy after he and Hayley are rescued; Roger and Steve try to survive on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean.
Francine convinces Stan to let Roger play in his basketball league; Steve sings a parody of R. Kelley's "Trapped in the Closet".
Stan discovers a salt mine in the backyard, but Steve turns out to be the rightful owner of the land, and faces pressure from the family to sell.
Stan brings President Garfield back to life to teach Hayley about history; Steve joins the school newspaper.
Stan goes on a mission to find out who didn't bring a gift to the CIA's Secret Santa party; Steve poses as the good boyfriend for several female classmates.
Stan and Steve start bowling for more quality time together; Klaus holds a contest to see whether Roger or Hayley has the worse attention span.
Stan offers a reward to the person who can stop Hayley and her old boyfriend from eloping.
Francine and Stan compare parenting skills after Stan creates a clone of Steve; Roger searches for the missing bride and groom.
Wanting to have the scariest haunted house on the block, Stan comes up with a ''killer'' setup; Steve competes to win the heart of his overprotective friend's younger sister.
Stan is ecstatic when Roger offers to help him live out his lifelong dream of opening a restaurant to rival his favorite childhood haunt - until their different visions for what the eatery should be cause havoc. Meanwhile, Steve meets Ashley, the new girl in school who invites him over while her parents are out of town.
After an argument between Stan and Francine breaks out, Stan suggests they go see a counselor, who hypnotizes Francine and reawakens her lifelong dream of being a comedian. Meanwhile, back in Langley Falls, Steve brings home a potential love interest for Klaus.
It’s Thanksgiving in Langley Falls, and as usual, Stan invites his half-brother, Rusty, over to show off his cornucopia of wealth and good fortune. But when Stan finds out that Rusty is far wealthier than he led on, Stan tries to take from Rusty what he feels is rightfully his. Things don’t go well, and the Smith family nearly loses it all.
If there’s one thing that Stan Smith loves, it’s a good jury trial. He anxiously awaits his annual jury summons. But when Roger is the defendant in the trial where Stan is the foreman, he is finally in a position to make Roger accountable for his misdeeds. Meanwhile, Jeff and Hayley move in with the Smiths, and Francine tries to get Jeff to clean up his act.
Despite Francine's warning, Stan gives Steve a gun for Christmas; Steve accidentally shoots Santa.
After Roger releases lethal gas into the Smith residence, the family moves into a hotel while the fumes clear. With no housework to do, Francine finds herself with a lot of free time on her hands. After befriending the hotel concierge (guest voice Elizondo), she soon finds herself working in the construction business, but realizes that perhaps she is better suited for family life. Meanwhile, Steve travels back in time to 1981 to meet the artist who painted a portrait of his dream girl.
Stan and Francine have trouble keeping up with a younger couple's lifestyle.
With a flair for the dramatic, Roger invites Stan to attend one of his acting classes. However, tempers flare when they both audition for the same role, leaving them to duke it out for top dog. Meanwhile, Steve and his friends get into a pillow fight when they try to plan the greatest slumber party ever.
After an argument with Stan, Roger moves out of the house and is subsequently replaced. Meanwhile, Steve acquires a new job at Pearl Bailey High School.
When Steve challenges Stan for family dominance, Stan does everything he can to prove to Steve that he is the alpha male of the Smith house. Meanwhile, Hayley and Jeff seek marriage counseling when the honeymoon phase wears off.
In an attempt to advance in the CIA, Stan enrolls Steve in the same private school as Senator Buckingham's daughter. After Steve quits and joins a Latina street gang, Roger fills in & things are going well until Roger accidentally sells the senator’s daughter to a drug lord.
When Steve has trouble crossing over into the "cool kids" social circle, Klaus and Roger place their bets to see how quickly Roger can make him cool. Everything they try backfires until Steve becomes the in-crowds designated driver. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine take turns pranking each other.
After Snot professes his love for Hayley and gets shot down, Steve and Roger devise a plan to cheer him up. Roger dresses up as Steve’s cousin from New Jersey, Jenny Fromdabloc, and Snot falls hard for her. Meanwhile, Stan wants to live like a gentleman of the 1960s, complete with dark suits and dry martinis.
Stan and Francine fight over how to redecorate the house. It goes so far that they split the house down the middle and try to live without each other. Meanwhile, Principal Lewis discovers a talent of Barry.
Francine gets a job at Stan’s office, which cramps Stan’s style and his ability to flirt with co-workers. When Francine retaliates with a little flirting of her own, war breaks out at work.
As Stan continues to dominate the household, Francine finds herself idolizing a group of women who seem to have it all. She tries to impress them and even lies in order to gain acceptance into their group, until she realizes they aren't as perfect as they seem. Meanwhile, loyalties are tested when Stan gets a new best friend.
When Stan goes to Atlantic City for a bachelor party and is shunned by his so-called best friend, Roger steps in and becomes Stan's new sidekick. Their friendship goes to a whole new level, but when they return home and face Francine, Stan realizes that what happens in Atlantic City doesn't necessarily stay there. Meanwhile, Hayley and Steve team up to break up a good-looking couple.
When Francine's birthday brings back haunting memories of a celebrity film moment stolen by George Clooney, Francine's new dream is to destroy the star. But when she tries to win Clooney's heart with the intention of breaking it, Stan actually falls for him and sabotages the plan. Meanwhile, back at home, Roger builds a vineyard and starts up a private sweat shop of foster children.
Stan goes over-the-top to produce a reenactment of Charles Lindbergh's solo flight for Steve's school project after he gets an F. Klaus buys a pair of shoes online and Hayley helps him harass the neighbor they believe has stolen them.
Hayley takes Roger with her to a meditation center and he quickly takes over, becoming one of the world's leading authorities on meditation. Stan and Steve become apprentices as they are taught the art of making sushi.
Stan is embarrassed when a painting of Francine's genitals, done by a famous artist, is unveiled at the museum. Steve turns to helping people after masturbation is ruined by his mom's portrait.
Stan gets upset at the idea of becoming a grandfather after Hayley and Jeff announced they're trying to have a baby; Steve and Klaus join a drug gang.
Roger agrees to give birth to Jeff so he can be human again; Steve secretly signs Snot up for a makeover through the TV show Morning Mimosas.
The Smith's rescue Steve after he's kidnapped and taken to the North Pole, where Santa Claus is using children to mine for precious stones needed for an ancient ritual.
Francine becomes less attracted to Stan when he gets involved with slot car racing; Roger becomes a stewardess to perform comedy routines on planes, but is upset when another stewardess is funnier than him.
Steve and his friends take up witchcraft to gain power and popularity at school; Stan and Klaus become obsessed with remembering '90s bands.
Klaus gets transferred into the navigation system of Stan's car when Stan refuses to pay for life-saving surgery; Steve and his friends prank Roger, who then terrorizes them for revenge.
Francine steals from the CIA and pretends to be a super villain to incite Stan to be more seductive; Roger tricks Hayley and Steve into trapping Jay Leno so he can take revenge.
Steve becomes the town pariah after he convinces the star quarterback of the arena football team to stop playing; Roger forces Hayley to become a cab driver to pay him back for her gambling debts.
When Steve and Snot use a cloning machine to create dates for prom night, they end up having to raise two fast-growing babies.
Francine's dissatisfaction in the bedroom causes a haunting; Haley introduces her new guy to the family.
Eager to prove he is no longer a child, Steve joins Stan in the annual CIA hunting trip; Roger and Klaus take a road trip.
The Smiths' plans to celebrate Roger's 1,600th birthday are sidetracked when Steve announces that he's finally going through puberty. Ever fearful of the thought of a Steve with raging hormones, Stan and Francine try to bypass the pains of having another teenager with experimental medicine.
When Roger discovers that someone has maxed out his credit card, he is certain it is identify theft and is determined to bring down the crook. After playing "Matlock" for a few days and dishing out some street justice, he realizes things are not quite right and seem all too familiar.
When Stan becomes his boss' go-to guy, he feels like he can't say no to anything including outrageous personal requests. But when Francine gets roped into the annoying ordeal and her romantic Valentine's Day get-away is ruined, she lays down the law and forces Stan to say "NO".
Stan becomes jealous when he finds out Francine was once engaged to a pilot whose plane crashed. Little does she know that her former fiancé is still alive, and when Stan realizes this, he and Roger try to track him down, while Francine must choose between her husband or her lost love.
Steve plots his revenge against all the popular girls who torment nerds and losers at his school.
Hayley breaks up with her boyfriend and falls for Stan's body double from the CIA. Things take a bizarre twist when the double begins hitting on Francine.
Roger suggests Stan hold a telethon to raise funds after the CIA's budget cut, but when Stan takes all the credit for the idea, Roger tries to sabotage it.
When Steve suffers indignities in school because of the back brace he must wear for his scoliosis, Stan confides in him that he wears a wig to cover his baldness. Meanwhile, Roger invites both Francine and Hayley to a posh spa even though he has only two passes, so he sneaks in Hayley in a suitcase, raising the suspicions of the house detective.
Stan is ecstatic when a co-worker gives him pills that allow him to stay up all night but feel like he slept for eight hours.
When the Smiths try to plan a family game night, Roger is full of excuses about prior commitments. However, when he is caught in a lie, the Smiths feel stabbed in the back when they realize Roger has been cheating on them with other families. Stan, Francine, Hayley and Steve go on the offensive to teach Roger a lesson about monogamy until Roger has a breakthrough about why he isn't a one family kind-of-guy.
When Langley Falls implements a ban on trans fats, Stan finds himself legally separated from his favorite foods. He sets a poor example for the rest of the family when he blatantly disregards the law by crossing county lines and using Steve as a trans-fatty food mule to satisfy his own gluttonous desires.
When Stan forgets to pick up grenadine at the grocery store, Roger goes ballistic and vows to get him back by taking over a project close to his heart – the Homeowner’s Association.
Steve signs Stan up for a father-son bike tournament, but the plan veers off-track when Stan admits that his father never taught him how to ride a bike. Determined to make things better, Steve helps reconcile Stan with his convict father. Meanwhile, Hayley needs internship credit for school, so Roger hires her to bartend at his makeshift bar in the attic.
Steve and the gang sabotage a stuck-up kid's bar mitzvah after he hits on Steve's girlfriend, Debbie. But when Snot gets wrongly accused of stealing the kid's bar mitzvah money, he must answer to the Rabbi and his own celebration is in jeopardy. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine pitch a cell phone idea to Verizon, but the plan gets fuzzy when they can't deliver the goods.
When Stan gets kidnapped in Colombia, Francine fears he's gone for good. Stan finally reappears unharmed, but the real trouble erupts in the Smith household when he admits that he has a plan to marry his dentist if Francine dies before him. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger play detective duo "Wheels and the Legman."
Stan is excited about finally building his dream car: a DeLorean. Francine encourages him to include Steve, so the two take a road trip in search of doors for the sports car. The trip veers off-track when there is a mad dash across the country to get the last set of doors available.
Steve joins a junior football team to make Stan proud. However, when a hyper-competitive Stan assumes the position of head coach, Steve gets kicked off the team for not being good enough. Out for revenge, Steve and Roger recruit a new team of misfits who threaten Stan's perfect season. Meanwhile, Francine and Hayley compete for a blue ribbon at the Langley County Fair.
Stan has had enough of Roger's antics! When he calls Roger out, Roger claims he has been sent to Earth to determine the fate of mankind. Stan challenges him to prove it, and is tickled pink when he learns Roger's real purpose for being on Earth. Roger struggles to get a grip on reality until a fateful turn of events helps put things in perspective.
Stressed out by his family and his obligations, Stan decides to buy a hot tub to relieve his stress, but gets into hot water when he finds out the hot tub is evil.
When a hurricane hits Langley Falls, the Smiths fight like mad to survive in their home. Part 3 of a three-part crossover with The Cleveland Show and Family Guy.
Roger becomes Steve's legal guardian, but gets a little overzealous in the parenting department when he gets the principal fired. After getting beat up by the other teachers at the school, Steve decides to run away. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine attempt to make waves after discovering that their vacation at the biggest water park in the world fails to get their hearts pumping.
When Stan realizes that he might never fulfill his dream of becoming a Best Man, he convinces his last single friend, Principal Lewis to marry the school’s Superintendent and to choose him as his Best Man. Stan invites Lewis’ old friend from prison to the wedding, only to discover a secret that could prevent the wedding from happening at all. Meanwhile, Roger finds the perfect pair of shorts, and an encounter with Ricky Martin makes him question his self-confidence.
Stan makes a desperate attempt to bond with his son by creating a busty blonde bombshell.
When Stan runs into his former crush from CIA boot camp, his affection for her resurfaces, which drives Francine into a jealous frenzy. By including Roger in her plan for revenge, Francine accidentally leads him straight into the arms of a dangerous alien hunter. Meanwhile, Steve is struck with good luck, when he accidentally wears Hayley’s panties to school.
When Steve tries to prove himself as a macho man to Stan, he follows in Roger's footsteps and tries to change himself from the outside in with a superhero persona. Meanwhile, Francine is going through an identity crisis of her own when she receives surprising news that could change the family forever.
When Stan finally has enough money to afford a membership at the golf club he has worked at for the past thirty summers, his hard work and perseverance prove to be futile when the club gives a membership to Steve first. However, things are not all what they seem when Stan realizes who the club owner really is.
Stan joins Roger and Steve's fictional detective agency, but he ruins the fun by being extremely incompetent at his "job." Roger demands that Steve fire Stan, but Steve cannot bring himself to do it and ends up lying to Roger. Things take a turn for the worse when Stan is kidnapped, and Steve must tell Roger the truth.
When Stan is overly enthusiastic about his hatred for old people, a hex is placed on him that turns him into a frail, old man. Meanwhile, Roger takes Francine on a road trip to a dance competition, but she soon finds out it's not what she bargained for.
When Barry (guest voice Eddie Kay Thomas) threatens Stan's old high school wrestling record, Stan enlists Roger to beat Barry and defend his small claim to fame. However, Stan is caught off-guard when Roger, not Barry, is actually the threat to Stan's record.
Roger acts as the family therapist as his alter-ego "Dr. Penguin" until he is sent out to fight the war in Iraq. Klaus decides to take Roger's role while he is away, but not without major ruckus being caused.
Despite Stan's objections, Francine buys Steve the dog he has always wanted. However, when the dog suffers a horrific accident, Stan refuses to take the pup off life support because of a traumatic childhood incident.
After losing patience with Hayley and Jeff for their freeloading ways, Stan bets the young couple that he and Francine can live on minimum wage for a month. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger embark on a mission to test drive the car of their dreams.
Stan fears he may not be Hayley's real father, so he goes back in time to find the truth. In doing so, he disrupts the past and must save the future.
Roger rediscovers one of personas, Ricky Spanish, and remembers why he's the most hated person in Langley Falls. Meanwhile, the child Stan & Francine sponsored in Africa suddenly shows up on their doorstep.
When Stan catches Steve playing imaginary games with his toys, he decides to take his son down to Mexico to help him become a man. But the trip takes a turn for the worse when Stan and Steve are kidnapped by a drug cartel, and it’s up to Steve to break himself and Stan out of captivity.
Roger is forced to sell his beloved attic bar to a restaurant chain after suffering a heart attack, and a sexy new next-door neighbor promises to take Steve and his friends’ virginity in return for housework.
Roger and Francine discover an alien in the woods, and Roger capriciously has a one-night relationship with her before being fed up with her quirks. He tries to get rid of her by calling the CIA, but then realizes that he can’t go through with it.
When Roger hires Hayley as a singer in his new bar, he becomes enthralled by her voice; Stan tries to prove his masculinity by negotiating a good deal on a new car.
During the Smith family's tropical vacation, Stan is ordered to kill the activities director at their resort; Jeff and Hayley try to rekindle their romance.
Francine thinks Stan spends too much time with his friends; a boy band recruits Steve and his friends for a music video.
When Stan invites his recently widowed mother to move in, she and Roger fall in love and wed; Steve and his friends find a lost movie script.
When Stan decides that Snot isn't cool enough to be Steve's best friend, he tries to separate them by staging a shooting at an ice cream parlor.
When Steve's baby sitter is unavailable, Stan and Francine decide to leave him with Hayley; Steve sneaks out to a party to prove he's not a goody-goody.
A talk show reveals that Francine was the toddler who, famously, was rescued from a well by a firefighter; Francine makes a discovery when she falls down the well on the anniversary of her rescue; Stan and Roger come up with a business idea.
The Smiths get drunk at Roger's Mardi Gras party and make a pact with Bullock; Roger tries to find the person who left a pastie in the attic.
Francine regrets deciding to teach Roger the value of hard work; Steve interviews Stan for a school project.
When Francine invites Stan's father to a party, a dark secret about the Smith family's past is revealed.
Roger announces that Max Jets, a character who showers the Smith family with money, is making a return; a gold-digging waitress romances Max and threatens the family's inheritance.
Roger pretends to be Jeff's imaginary friend so he can roam around the house without a disguise; when Jeff realizes Roger is an alien, Stan issues an ultimatum -- either Roger or Jeff must be killed; Steve becomes insecure about his body.
When Black Villain shoots Stan's new wife, Sexpun Tocome, on their honeymoon, Stan teams up with his nemesis to take him down.
Francine tries to rig the school spelling bee so that Steve will win; Stan and Roger try to rush Hayley's grieving process so she will be available to judge their badminton game.
Francine tries to get Stan to spice up their sex life; Hayley tries to get back into dating and accepts a date with Snot.
When Stan gets amnesia, Francine tries to turn him into her ideal husband; Steve is drawn into the corrupt side of Roger's paper route business.
Stan is shocked when he is told that Deputy Director Bullock is showing early signs of dementia and needs his memory erased; Roger hires an old friend to help Steve with a bully at school.
Jeff must prove his love for Hayley to Emperor Zing in order to find his way home from the spaceship that abducted him.
When Stan refuses to switch Klaus back into his original body, he steals Stan's body; Roger builds a gym in the attic.
When her efforts to save the planet prove hopeless, Hayley decides that she might get more attention if she becomes a blonde. Meanwhile, Stan and Steve go on a mission to find a new home for the Smiths.
When Bullock sends a drone to do the job Stan and his colleagues are supposed to do, Stan is determined to prove that humans are better than robots. Meanwhile, Francine and the rest of the family participate in a slow motion race against one another in the living room.
Steve and Snot are fed up with being bullied. When they enroll in a karate class, Snot is brainwashed by the sensei, and it's Steve's mission to get him back. Meanwhile, Klaus develops a horrible odor and is forced to be an outside pet.
When the CIA is forced to make cutbacks and go on furlough, Stan volunteers to take a position as a college campus security guard. Meanwhile, Roger opens a bed and breakfast to boost the family's income.
When Francine's sister Gwen comes to town, Hayley suspects she is up to no good. Meanwhile, Stan teaches Steve the art of hugging Aunt Gwen, and Klaus shadows Roger's dramatic comments.
When Stan wishes he could have Principal Lewis' carefree, single life, a la "It's a Wonderful Life," his wish comes true. In Stan's wish world, Principal Lewis has his family.
Hayley is dying to be on a roller derby team, but they only will let her play if her 'sister' Steve gets to play. Meanwhile, a magical carpenter visits Stan and Francine, and Roger runs the roller rink.
When Steve swears at Francine, she refuses to cook for him, and he becomes a successful chef, appearing on a popular morning show. Meanwhile, Stan thinks he can make people invisible by snapping his fingers.
Hayley gets a job and starts to fall for a co-worker. Meanwhile, Stan chauffeurs Steve and Francine to a Mother-Son dance.
While on vacation in Los Angeles, Stan joins the world of old Hollywood. Meanwhile, Roger kennel-trains Steve and Hayley.
Francine is up for an award for her lonely housewife novel, so the family heads to the Big Apple for the ceremony. Meanwhile, Stan and Hayley hang out with actor Robert Wuhl, and Steve and Roger recreate their Wheels and the Legman personas.
Stan is horrified when he sees a couple die in a car crash, and he goes to see a shrink. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus study for a wine tasting.
Jeff returns from space ... or does he? Meanwhile, Steve watches after Snot's hamster.
"American Dad" is sold to a Chinese businessman. Meanwhile, Stan has Francine committed to an insane asylum when he forgets their anniversary.
When Steve is selected to sing the national anthem at the Langley Falls Veterans' Day celebration, he gets some heat from Stan who doesn't think he's ready for such an undertaking. Unimpressed with Steve's vocal talents, Stan decides Steve needs to experience real war in order to sing about our country's military prowess. But things quickly go south when Roger gets involved and Steve goes bananas.
In order to get a promotion at work, Stan has to convince the dictator of Isla Island to sign a treaty. Stan meets the general and accidentally kills him and has Roger pose as the leader of the small island nation. Meanwhile, Steve and Snot become competitive to see who can get farther with the other’s mom.
Steve is left home as the family plan a trip to Boston hoping to locate a college for Hayley. When his friends arrive they convince him to break the rules, resulting in them finding the controls to a military drone in Stan's study. Meanwhile, after Stan leaves the plane to return home for his painkillers, Roger changes disguise from a little girl to a Stan constume so he can get served alcohol. When an air marshal notices that the girl is missing, he grounds the plane and investigates.
Francine teaches Roger to be self-sufficient so he can get his own place; at camp, Steve and his friends fall prey to a scheme.
Steve must become the man of the house when Stan re-lives his childhood.
Upset that Francine has let herself go, Stan takes drastic measures when she asks him to renew their wedding vows.
When Hayley goes to a My Morning Jacket concert against Stan’s wishes, he crashes the show to bring her back home, but when he hears their music for the first time, it calls to him and he’s smitten. Stan becomes obsessed with the band and decides to follow them on the road as a groupie.
Upset that Hayley no longer wants his advice, Stan decides to prove that she is missing out on his sage counseling. After meeting a stripper on an important CIA mission, Stan takes it upon himself to improve her life and show Hayley that his advice works. But when he opens a new business, hoping to prove Hayley wrong, he finds himself dancing for cash to cover up his failures.
When the Smith family goes to church on Christmas Day, Stan is furious when he can’t get a good seat. While Francine tries to ease his frustration, a moment of divine intervention occurs. Upset that he has been left on earth with Francine during the ultimate fight between good and evil, Stan ditches his wife to get into the pearly gates of heaven, but when Francine is kidnapped, Stan fights to get her back.
When Stan gets told by Francine to get rid of his gas-guzzling SUV, he and Roger hatch up a plan at the local horse track to avoid losing his car. Meanwhile, Steve and his friends help an old friend.
Stan puts down liberal social programs because he thinks they are a waste of money and gives Francine a hard time for lending a helping hand at the local homeless shelter. When Stan develops a nasty addiction and needs help, he suddenly has a change of heart.
Stan gives Francine "love coupons" for Valentine's Day, but refuses to honor them once he becomes preoccupied with his very own CIA cyborg. Meanwhile, Roger helps Steve and his friends remake a classic '80s movie.
When Stan admits that his heroes include the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team, Roger confesses that he played on the team; Reginald tries to win over Hayley by taking her to a concert.
After Roger and Francine are victims of a mugging, Roger joins the police academy so he can learn how to defend himself and his loved ones (including Stan and Steve), but he falls in with a corrupt cop (guest voice Cannavale) who leads him astray. Meanwhile, Hayley's new friendship threatens her long-term relationship. Chaz kidnaps and leaves Stan tied up and tape-gagged. Meanwhile, Roger kills Chaz and rescues Stan, who makes his boss happy.
When Roger and Francine go wine-tasting, Roger plants a big kiss on Francine in a drunken moment. Francine decides to tell Stan about this incident, but when they sit down to talk, Roger convinces Stan that Francine started it all.
Roger studies crime scene photography; Stan bullies Steve in hopes of toughening him up.
In preparation for a neighborhood pool party, Stan tells his family to get in tip-top shape. But when an accident ruins the Smith family name, a humiliated Stan fakes his family’s deaths and moves everyone out of Langley Falls to escape his shame
It’s Roger’s birthday, and he begs to be roasted, but when he ends up devastated by the jokes, he vows to pull his life together. Things take a turn for the worse when Roger takes it one step too far, causing the Smith family to go on the run